......... and down

Is it me or am I getting more and more frustrated? I thought typing a few words here and there would boost up that little hope of feeling better, but it probably had little to no effect. Perhaps, typing all this now still won't help me at all, but I'm not sure where else I could express my emotions.

Do I hate being at this school? Hm... probably so. I might be missing something, someone called God. I've recently begun to think where my life would have ended up without Him being there. Who could I trust, rely, and talk to in my most needed times? Honestly, none other than Him. But I must say that I'm not satisfied being here, not just because I'm lacking a "connection" with God, but just being here hasn't been helping me much lately, in fact, it's constantly bringing me back.

Well, apart from this huge chunk missing at my life here, I'd say my connection with tangible, human characters is lacking just as much. It's not that I'm not making new friends, but I think I'm getting tired of (these) people faster than I am getting used to and familiar with (this) group. "College is fun," "It's the 'funnest' time in your life!" Lies. If I loved partying and being that kind of person that I'm not, I'd happily agree, but I just can't. Words here and there have made me who I am today, so there are things I just can't change.

Well, I can't say all of it is bad. I've got people here like Heidi and Pola who support me :). I just hope I don't act like an asshole ;P. Oh yes, I'm feeling myself changing, for the worse. The vulgar things I say, the things I do, don't necessarily portray a positive impression. Hm...

-Jeffjeff

&& These are just thoughts/feelings typed out :). I'm not saying all of this is true though, I think.

&& This school year has been one of the toughest for me (compared to senior year in high school) and only a few of you know why. Though, I feel like one of you that I've told, that I've placed far in front of everyone else at one point, has drifted far back. I'm not sure why I feel that way, but it's so hard to share anything with you anymore, as if there is a barrier between us, I'm sure you feel that too.