A week after Mother's day, my Californian friends and I went on a trip to Penghu (澎湖) for 4 days. My cousin and I flew to the island at around 7:30PM, Thursday night and arrived at Magong (馬公), the main island, an hour later. We immediately rushed to their firework festival, which I've included below. The other three days were spent visiting neighboring islands including Qimei (七美), Jibei (吉貝), and Wangan (望安) to explore the various sight-seeing spots located on each island (with the given time) on motorcycles. Perhaps the pictures can speak for me :).
My first ever video uploaded on Youtube!
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I will warn that the remaining of the post may trigger some unwanted memories (for some of you) and I'm sure you know what will be coming up. Take a deep breath.
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The Wednesday following the trip, I hung out with Henry and ate dinner with him since Judo was cancelled. I took the MRT to the Japanese restaurant where we'd be having their famous Unagi rice. Shortly after getting off the MRT, Henry told me about what had happened just two hours ago. Apparently, a college student from Taizhong (台中) brought knives onto the MRT and began stabbing the passengers. After he was caught, he explained to the media that he had planned this attack since he was in 5th grade, simply because he felt pressured and stressed from the expectations of his parents and society. A total of 4 passengers were killed and 22 injured and guess what? He chose to perform his attack when the MRT would be making its longest trip between two stops. Photos and videos taken during and after this incident clearly portrays the fear and impact it had on the Taiwanese society. I can say with absolute confidence, that I can no longer sleep or use my phone without feeling vulnerable and in the presence of danger.
That same night, I went out with several Multilingual Conversations Club (MLC) members to a nearby bar. I had planned on working on an essay that night, so I ordered myself a cup of coffee, while everyone else ordered an alcoholic beverage. Afterwards, we spent 10 minutes trying to rent ourselves U-bikes, so we could ride to the McDonalds next to campus. Rain, typical Taiwan weather. I rode behind everyone, but within a minute, I was already laying on the ground with the heavy bike on top of my body and my head bleeding. I saw Chris's umbrella fall to the ground, so I wanted to pick it up for him. Unfortunately, I slammed the brakes too hard (the front brakes too) and flew forward onto the wet pavement and slid a foot or two on the ground before my bike followed and landed on my head. No one saw what had happened, so no one paid much attention to my accident until we walked into the fast food restaurant. My friends were able to see a trail of dry blood down my neck which left some blood stains on my jacket. I didn't feel anything, so I didn't plan on going to the hospital. An hour after the crash, my head continued bleeding, which prompted me to pay the hospital a visit.
I swear to goodness, that this is the 100% exact portrayal of what happened that night
Emergency room, laceration, stitches, enough said. Jeff brought me (and a ton of things for me) to the hospital and I was asked to remain in the hospital for the next 6 hours in order to make sure I hadn't received a concussion, but after a short sleep on the hospital bed, I left the hospital without any problems, but I was expected to take a break. My head would hurt for the next few days, but my pain would be considered nothing compared to what happened Friday.
As most of you know, I attend the University of California, Santa Barbara. For some of you, news about a shooting at a campus seems like a somewhat common occurrence in America. I mean, it does happen frequently, but it has never impacted the Isla Vista community and me as much as this criminal action. A man by the name of Elliot Rodgers, attempted to kill individuals in IV as an act of revenge. For what? Just because he wasn't getting laid? It hurts for me to see a the community I live in crying and brought down by one individual. I can't even begin to imagine how different my life would have been like after experiencing it first hand or knowing someone who was directly affected. It pains me that I couldn't be there to honor those who lost their lives or who were injured by the criminal lunatic. I just want to let my fellow Gauchos know that although I'm not physically there, I'm there with them spiritually. Not one more.
The following Sunday as I was walking to Leehom Wang's (王力宏) birthday conference, I received a text from my father that my grandfather had passed away. I didn't know how to react at this time. Shock and disbelief were the first emotions to hit me. I turned to Jeff and told him that I just received news of my grandfather passing, but I couldn't cry. To me, my grandfather is no different than my father since he's been with me since I was born. He was the one to give me my Chinese name and the one to raise me as a child, while my parents were busy at work. At the recent funeral service, I didn't get the chance to talk to him, alone, but if I were to go back, I would want to tell him that I love him and that he meant a lot to me. I remember as a child, I would go to their room and talk with him and my grandmother, who would always be playing cards on the bed. Whenever I was hungry or picked on by my brother, I would run to him because I knew he'd do something about it to help me. Whenever my father scolded me, my grandparents would be there to protect me. Without them there, I don't think I would have turned out to be the kind of person I am today. When they left America, it really hurt me.
At the recent funeral services and I still couldn't cry, not in front of my grandmother. I knew that his passing had a huge impact on her after 70 years of marriage. These bottled up feelings has left me feeling like shit. I thought I was prepared for my grandfather's passing at any moment, since he's been living with cancer and stroke for well over 10 years now, but I guess I was wrong. Every time I saw the tears streaming from my grandmother's face, my heart broke. I didn't know what to say to make her feel better, so I just held onto her and did my best to let her know that I was there for her. What hurts me more is that she's living with Alzheimer's and her condition is worsening. These past few nights, she hasn't been sleeping properly and eating properly. She would repeat stories about my childhood with her and my grandfather, but I never found it funny that she would repeat it over and over again. I just wish that there was a way to cure her, I don't think my heart can handle another loss.
Lastly, my prayers goes to my aunt's mother-in-law, who passed away two days ago. I remembered her as a very gentle and kind lady, who sacrificed her livelihood to raise my uncle. One summer, I lived in my aunt's house (for a month) and we would have conversations about her grandchildren and about my brother, me, and etc. I remember the day that I left her, she had shed tears for me. That one month was enough for me to call her my grandmother and for her to call me a grandson. Years later, I returned to Beijing to visit my grandparents. My family and I tried to pay her a visit as well, but my uncle had locked her in her room. Due to the poor decisions made by my uncle, 胡奶奶 fell into a coma before passing away a few days later.
These past few weeks have left me emotionally paralyzed. I feel my heart ache, thinking about these events. Honestly, I just want to empty out that "bottle" and let the tears flow; I think I'd feel a bit more at peace on the inside.
-Jeffrey
May 23 @ 1:23PM: May you rest in peace Grandpa. I will never forget the years we spent together and all the fun we used to have. Thank you for raising me and encouraging me to be the best I can. I will miss you very, very much.
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